Yep, that’s it. That’s the one. It is the one of which I was going to have “one small slice”.
The good news is that the box didn’t go into the trash completely empty. The bad news is that it was almost full when I got started on it.
If you read my recent post about the brownies, you know that I concluded that temptation is not a battle to stay and fight. It is a place to run from.
So how did this happen?
It all started with an invitation to a pool party to watch the World Cup Final. The host and other guests would be providing meat to grill and sides. I was asked to bring dessert.
I procured said dessert at Publix that morning. The crowd would be mostly Brazilian. The occasion would be outdoors in the July heat. What could be better than an icebox coconut cake?
I wasn’t the only one with that idea. A Brazilian partygoer had brought a homemade coconut cake made with sweetened condensed milk. (Oh yes, Brazilians know how to make seriously good cakes.)
We decided not to even open mine, and when it was time to leave, my gracious host gave the box back to me, untouched.
I had a small slice that night we got home from the pool party. It was good, but the Brazilian cake was better, and this one was too sweet.
I thought to myself at the time that I would have no problem resisting the temptation of this cake, as it was too sweet for me.
So I kept it in the fridge.
The next night (tonight), after dinner and around the time the kids were going to bed, I decided to have a “forkful” of cake. I then decided to have a small slice. I then had another small slice. And another.
Pretty soon, I gave up all pretense and just put my fork directly in the cake. Suddenly, it wasn’t too sweet for me anymore. Suddenly, I couldn’t get enough.
I finally put the fork down and asked my husband if he would be eating any of the cake. Fortunately, he said no.
Into the garbage went the box.
There were a couple of ways I could have responded to this incident. I could have interpreted it as my complete failure to control myself and thus evidence that I cannot and never will be able to be at peace with food.
However, I knew that road would take me to a dangerous, defeated place.
My recent revelation on temptation reminded me that I had been placed in a battle that I could not have won. God didn’t expect me to be there in the first place.
I recognized that at the time I dove fork-first into that cake, I had been experiencing anxiety on numerous levels. I had lots of things on my mind.
I withdrew to a quiet place to hand it all over to the Lord.
I asked for His forgiveness and received it.
I am thankful that He has forgiven me and that this moment of failure was just that: a moment. It is not something that has to define me or become my identity.
Thank you Jesus.